You do not go to a Hindu temple to attend a service. There is no fixed hour, no sermon, no congregation sitting in rows. You go to see God and, just as importantly, to be seen. People drop in on the way to work, stand before the deity for the time it takes to say a prayer, receive a spoon of holy water and a flower, and leave. The visit may last four minutes or four hours.
For newcomers, and for diaspora children who have only visited temples on holiday, the informality can be more confusing than a strict order of service would be. This article walks through the mandir step by step, with the reasons behind the customs.
Darshan, seeing and being seen
The word darshan means sight, or seeing. To "take darshan" is to see the deity, but the phrase is deliberately two-way. The eyes of a murti are the last part to be completed and ceremonially opened when a temple is consecrated, and from that moment the image is held to see as well as be seen. You stand in the deity's gaze. Many devotees say that the moment of darshan is less about looking at the image than about being looked at, about arriving in a place where you are known.
The shape of a mandir
Hindu temples differ enormously in size and style, but most share the same bones.
The innermost room is the garbhagriha, the "womb chamber", a small, dark, usually windowless sanctum in which the main deity lives. It is the holiest part of the building, and in most temples only the priests enter it. Above it rises the tower, called the shikhara in the North and the vimana in the South, marking from outside where the deity sits within.
In front of the sanctum is the mandapa, a pillared hall where devotees gather, sit, sing and watch the aarti. Around the whole there is often a pradakshina patha, a corridor or open path for walking round the deity.
In South India the approach is dominated by the gopuram, the tall gateway tower, painted or carved with hundreds of figures, that marks the entrance to the temple compound. In the great temples of Tamil Nadu it is the gopuram, not the vimana, that you see from miles away. Inside the gate you will usually find a flagstaff (dhvajastambha) and the deity's vehicle, Nandi the bull before Shiva, Garuda before Vishnu, facing the sanctum.
Entering and walking round
Remove your shoes before you enter. Every temple has a rack near the gate, and larger ones give you a token. Many temples have a tap for washing hands and feet; use it. Silence your phone.
Dress modestly, with shoulders and knees covered; traditional clothing is welcome but rarely required. Some temples, particularly in Kerala and parts of Tamil Nadu, ask men to remove their shirts and wear a dhoti or mundu, and ask women to wear a sari or long skirt; a few of the most ancient temples admit only Hindus. Check at the gate, and do not take it personally.
Ring the bell as you enter if there is one hanging at the door. It announces your arrival, clears the mind of chatter, and begins the visit with a sound rather than a thought.
Before or after darshan, walk around the sanctum once, or three times, or as your family's custom says, keeping the deity on your right. The word pradakshina comes from dakshina, the right side, and the clockwise direction mirrors the way the aarti lamp is waved. Walk slowly, with folded hands if you like, repeating the deity's name.
In many Shiva temples there is one exception. The channel through which the water poured over the lingam drains out, the somasutra, is not crossed; devotees walk up to it, turn back, go round the other way to the far side of it, and return. Watch what the regulars do and follow.
Offering and receiving
You may bring an offering, flowers, fruit, a coconut or sweets, or nothing at all, and hand it to the priest at the sanctum door. In South Indian temples the usual offering is an archana, a short worship in your name: you give the priest your name, your birth star (nakshatra) and family lineage (gotra), along with a small fee, and he recites the deity's names on your behalf and returns the tray with a flower, some kumkum and perhaps a piece of fruit. Donations to the temple go in the hundi, the locked collection box.
The priest, called the pujari in the North and archaka in the South, is the one who serves the deity: bathing, dressing, feeding and putting to rest. In many North Indian temples, especially of Shiva, the arrangement is looser and devotees go close enough to touch the lingam or pour water on it themselves. In the South the sanctum is almost always off limits, and the deity is seen through the doorway from a few feet away.
After the offering, the priest will usually bring round tirtha, water that has been poured over the deity or offered before it, and prasad, food or flowers that have been offered. Receive both in the right hand, left hand cupped beneath. Sip the tirtha from the palm, and pass the hand over the head. Eat a little of the prasad there, or wrap it to take home and share. Do not refuse prasad; even a single grain accepted is enough, and it is never thrown away.
In Vishnu temples of the South you may also be offered the shatari, a small crown bearing the feet of the Lord, touched briefly to your head.
North and South, the same visit with a different feel
A North Indian mandir is often bright, open and noisy, with a shikhara over the sanctum, images that devotees may touch, prasad of laddus and pedas, and a Hindi aarti sung by everyone present. A South Indian kovil is darker and older in feel, built of stone, with gopurams at the gates, oil lamps rather than electric light, the deity glimpsed in the glow of a camphor flame, and worship conducted largely in Sanskrit and Tamil by the archakas while the devotees watch. In the North you are more likely to be given sweets; in the South, tirtha, kumkum, sacred ash and a tulsi leaf. The customs differ; the purpose does not.
Leaving well, and other courtesies
When your darshan is done, step backwards a few paces before turning around, keeping your face toward the deity. It is the courtesy you would show an elder or a king: you do not turn your back on someone you honour.
Then, if there is room, sit for a few minutes in the mandapa. Darshan is the moment; sitting afterwards is where it settles. Keep your feet from pointing toward the sanctum, and your voice low.
Photography is almost always forbidden inside the sanctum and often throughout the temple, and photographing the deity is considered improper even where no sign says so. Ask before taking pictures anywhere inside. Do not touch the images unless invited; do not step on the threshold stone of the sanctum; and leave leather bags and belts outside where asked.
A simple way to begin
Go on an ordinary weekday evening when the temple is quiet. Leave your shoes, wash your hands, ring the bell, walk once around the sanctum keeping it on your right, and stand at the doorway with folded hands for as long as you like. Accept whatever the priest hands you with your right hand. Step back before you turn. Sit for two minutes. That is darshan, and it is enough.